Thursday 22 August 2013

Long Days of Summer

 
So the holidays are in full swing, the sun is mostly blazing and there are an abundance of butterflies the likes of which I have not seen before.  The broad beans are ripe and bulging in their emerald green pods, begging to be picked and cooked.  Lazy breakfasts laden with delicious fresh summer berries and nectaries atop a hearty dollop of thick greek yoghurt are enjoyed in PJ's with no care for time.
 
There is a trip to Norfolk, a stay in a caravan, a wander upon vast beaches.  We crunch upon the pebbles and spy on the seals on Scroby Island, then go for massive ice-creams which are eaten on the promenade under a lush blue sky so bright you squint to look at it.
 
There are times at home too, just crashed out on the sofa watching a DVD, sat at the table painting, in the kitchen making some iced biscuits.
 
But there is also a feeling that a little bit of structure to my days again would be nice.  I'm starting to miss my routine, my work.
There are frayed tempers, the little one is bored - we've been to the seaside, the play centre, met chums, been into the countryside...but sometimes, we need to stay home and ground ourselves.  Small people don't understand this, they want to be out and about all the time and doing exciting things.  Mummy is boring, she never does anything interesting.  I sigh. 
 
I read lots of Blogs in the evenings and see heaps of gorgeous photographs, of people enjoying this freak British Summer time.  It all looks rather marvellous, rather perfect.  My Summer does not look like this; my home is untidy, there are unfinished jobs stacked up on my desk.  I have a fatigue upon me which has descended and will not leave and I am running out of steam, running out of ideas on how to amuse an energetic, creative six year old child single handed.  I've mostly enjoyed the holidays so far, our trips out and about as well as our days spent busying at home, but these days are full of things, and I see less and less of my paints, which makes me feel empty and irritable.
 
I start to feel like the bad Mummy, the one who is secretly wishing that the children were back at school.  I feel momentarily selfish for wanting to scratch that creative itch, to bed down uninterrupted and create new paintings and start new projects.  For a second, I wish I was having a magazine style summer, complete with spontaneous picnics that bulge at the seams with just baked goodies, and to accomplish it all with a happy family, a happy smile and boundless energy; to not have those wants and desires.
 
But real life, it's not really like that, at least not all the time.
 
As a Mum, I often spread myself too thin without realising.  Since my daughter was born I have instinctively put others first and very often put my own needs on the back burner...I'll get to them later, they're not important, it can wait.
 
It can't.
 
Meeting your own needs, it's not selfish - it's necessary.
 
If we take care of ourselves, we have far more to give to others when needed.  If we don't practice self care we run the risk of burnout or illness.  Self care can be ten minutes in a hot bath without interruptions, it can be a walk in nature, sitting with your journal and writing down your ideas, your friend taking care of your offspring while you shop - whatever lights you up.  Self care promotes calmer, happier people, it replenishes our energy, it helps us to feel good. 
 
With support thin on the ground this summer, I'm really feeling the need of some solitude, some sacred time to myself.  It's become a deep craving, and when I feel the insistent nudge of frustration I know it's time to act, to do something for myself that will help tip the balance back to where things are happier and easier.
 
It's learning to ask for support, it's learning to say yes when it's offered.  I need to remind myself of this more often.  I don't have to do it all on my own, and it's good for my daughter to be around other people too.  Making time for myself teaches my daughter that it's important to take care of yourself, to make your own needs, interests and activities a priority too.  We don't compromise our love for our families if we don't give 24/7 - in fact, it teaches our families to see us as a whole person rather than some woman who irons the school uniform and provides a taxi service to the after school clubs.
 
So...Summer carries on in it's blissful, warm, hazy way.  The little one is busy, engrossed in her latest project...so I'm sneaking outside for five minutes to watch the dragonflies playing in the sun.


8 comments:

  1. I so agree that mums need time just to be who they are, not what hat they are wearing that day, maybe to revisit a childhood pleasure - colouring in, not for an artist like you, but it's a simple pleasure, meditative and so relaxing. Or taking time to just sit and look at the garden, at what's going on. Too many mums, it seems to me, feel they have to be mum all the time, on the go, entertaining, working, playing and running themselves ragged. Good for you realising that if you do this, you are no good to anyone and doing yourself an injustice. Being a mum doesn't mean submerging yourself all the time in that role, you lose sight of the woman you are when that happens. I always made time for me, always accepted help, gladly pushed the boys off to a neighbour for an hours playtime with someone different, not having the luxury of my own family around, or inlaws anywhere near, neighbours and friends were invaluable.
    Enjoy the rest of your summer, with some time in there for You.

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    1. Some great advice there Maggie, which I dearly thank you for - it often alleviates the guilt a little I think, when other people feel the same way and share those thoughts. Thank you.
      J x

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  2. Hope you manage to get a bit more 'me' time soon, you're right, it is so important. We are having a lovely Summer with lots of trips to our nearby rivers and beaches BUT my house is becoming even more of a tip than usual! And although I'm getting a bit of crafting time, it's usually with children crafting around me too, which, although wonderful in lots of ways, is not always quite the same. But I'm finding my sanity is very quickly restored by jumping into beautiful, cool river water and swimming, even if only for a few minutes before my littlest one needs me back on the bank. So I'm really not hankering after school routine with its frantic mornings at all yet! Hope you find your version of my wild swimming so you're happy to hold on to Summer a bit longer.

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    1. I love the idea of wild swimming!! How truly lovely! It's something I should very much like to do someday. Thank you for taking the time to write, and for the reminder of seeking out those few minutes of time for oneself.

      J x

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  3. what a lovely surprise to find you again! I thought you had given up the blogging but perhaps I was one on the 'lost' list.
    You are always an inspiration - and let me assure you of this - the perfect person has yet to be born (thank goodness)!

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    1. Hello to you,

      Im glad you found me again too, and took the time to leave me such a kind message - thank you!

      J x

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  4. I am 100% with you. "Me" time is soooo necessary, so important and sometimes so difficult to obtain. I find that one of the hardest things of being a parent is precisely this, the complete lack of time to oneself.... I have three kids and no family around to help, so it is not always easy to leave them all with friends but I do get to send them on individual playdates to their different friends and it is good. It is important for them, like you say.
    It is always lovely to read your reflections on things as they always ring so true to me, Julia.
    I hope you've enjoyed the summer and that you can now recharge batteries in your solitude. I do believe that we are better parents when we are able to have that "me" time. I always feel that I am energised by it and less stress with the kids as a result.
    Have a lovely evening, Pati x

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    1. Hello Pati, my dear friend :)

      Thank you for writing, it *is* hard isn't it? Yet that time is so necessary, somedays it seems as essential as breathing. I hope you've had a great summer too, and yes, you'll be glad to know I have some nice projects on the horizon which I'm feeling excited about.

      Good to hear from you,
      J x

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